i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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