The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
