i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
then he tried to convert me to islam
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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