the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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