I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
