i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
