I didn't shave. On purpose
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
