we have officially lost it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
