Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
