something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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