i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so explain again why im purple
no
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
