Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
