Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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