Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
