dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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