And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
