If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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