I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
