i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wear drunk well.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
