I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
