forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish I only lived at night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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