my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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