They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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