how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
