Im at strip club and am horny
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
