how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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