my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
