She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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