You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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