Im at strip club and am horny
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
