pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
