First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
