I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize