I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
