You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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