Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we're so committed to being not committed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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