And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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