Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
