In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
