can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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