You're completely useless in the revolution.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
