I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
