They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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