My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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