Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
