i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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