so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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