could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
