I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
