my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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