so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she looked like the before picture.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
