I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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