how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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