I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
