Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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