I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need