I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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