fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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