YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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