He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
