Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
