yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
