she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
