one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm too high and old for this...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
