After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
