driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
