i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
