yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
