Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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