Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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