i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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