How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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