We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
