Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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