Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
