Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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